Why am I still single?
This question can be bothersome especially when you find your friends dating, courting, or getting married and starting their own familes, and you are just there like no one is ever going to be interested in you any time soon.
It can even be more troublesome if you’re at an age where
everyone else around you expects not to be single; you’re supposed to be a spouse and a parent.
You feel the pressure, you know companionship is a need, you have the desire, BUT yet, you are still single in every sense of the word.
As a Christian, you are busy in service to God, you pray about a life partner, you may even intensify your prayers by adding fasting to the process, YET, you remain as single as you ever were.
I want to help you understand why you are still single, and what you can do (or cannot do) about it.
This should help settle your heart at peace or help you make necessary adjustments to your life that can help attract your mate to you.
Of course, that is obvious, isn’t it?
Not necessarily. Many eligible singles do not always think their singleness is because they are yet to find that Right one.
That’s the reason for the jealousy and resentment when others get married before you. That's the reason for the bitterness and anger towards God, because the belief is that ‘it is more than past time for me to be married’.
The reason you’re still single today may just be that God has something else on the plate for you. He will not bring marriage just because you’re eligible or because you’re past the age to still be single.
Unfortunately, our society ALWAYS puts marriage at the top of the list for singles, bringing unnecessary pressure on the unmarried to escape what God is doing in their lives at the present time.
That you are single doesn’t mean you have to get married next day.
You are better off seeking to know what God wants you to focus on now, so you can expend your energies on.
If marriage is not the next item on God’s agenda for you, and you choose to outrun Him, you are setting up yourself for future trouble. God loves you more than you love yourself. He knows and cares about your need for a partner. He’s working on it. He’s working on you. And when you’re ready, He will bring him or her along your way.
Yes, I just said above that when you’re ready, God will bring that right one for you. The funniest thing is, many Christian Singles always think they’re ready or even more than ready for marriage.
This is not to say that everyone who gets married is ready; you can even easily get married while very unprepared for that stage of life.
I’m talking here to you, Christian Single, who has a hard time finding the right one, and wondering why in the world God will allow you to be single when your need for marriage is so great.
I believe God leads people to their partners. That’s how great His love for His children is – He guides and directs.
BUT, God will not lead you to marriage just because you are
at an eligible age. He knows when you’re ready and when you’re not. So
instead of fretting over the reason why you are still single, prepare yourself for marriage.
Gary Smalley says, “A plumber’s license takes four years while a marriage license takes two willing BODIES, and sometimes, a blood test.” Very funny, but there’s deep truth and implications in that statement.
If your desire for marriage is only because you want another body to partner with yours, or you want a change of status so you can update your profile on social media, you’re not yet ready for marriage.
God wants you to get married and TO ENJOY MARRIAGE. And preparation for an enjoyable marriage begins now when you are still single.
Work on yourself. Read books about marriage. If you are a woman, learn how to be a godly wife. If you are a man, seek to know how to be a godly man.
Yeah, this hurts.
And oh, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying you’re not physically beautiful or handsome. That may include it, but it is more than that.
I’m not going to talk on improving your physical appearance; everyone seems to be working pretty well on that these days.
Unfortunately, the truth is, you can still be physically beautiful or handsome, but remain unattractive to the opposite sex. I’m talking about attitude and who you presently are.
If you’re a man who is not working, you need to focus on getting a job. A woman who turns you down because you are not working is not really self-centered or money-minded. A man should work and be able to take care of his family.
If you are a woman, work on your attitude, cultivate behaviors that can attract godly men to you. Gentleness, kindness, respect etc. Let the fruit of the Spirit be evident in your life.
If you have a problem with traits such as anger, seek help.
I must say it is burdensome trying to change for the sake of attracting a mate. The best approach is to seek intimacy with God. Let every outward change come from an inward encounter with God’s Word and Spirit working in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
If you change to gain the approval of a potential partner, you may soon lose enthusiasm if the method is not working fast enough. Just live for God’s, and a godly man or a godly woman would find you truly attractive.
Other attitudes that can make you unattractive include poor self-esteem, insecurity, lack of purpose and direction in life, desperation. These things show up in personal relationships, and might just be the reason why the opposite sex finds you unattractive.
I haven’t read the book, Get Married, but I heard it said that God directed the author to go online and get exposed to men seeking wives. She did, and the third man she interacted with ended up being her husband.
When it is said that God leads His children to their partners, many Christian Singles imagine God bringing that person to their doorsteps.
I don’t doubt He can and does do it that way. But you should not limit God. Love stories are not the same.
The bottom line is to seek God’s guidance.
Maybe you are geographically located where they are no eligible godly singles. Is meeting one online a taboo? No.
Personally, I have an aversion for online dating because of
the dangers (VIDEO) involved.
But I equally acknowledge that it is an avenue for singles who need exposure. There are many testimonies of genuine God-fearing couples who met online.
If you choose to go that route, tread with caution. Do not be desperate. Pray about it and let the Lord lead you.
Talking about God leading you, he may not only lead you to get exposure online. You may need to change physical location.
Probably you are in a job or church family or environment when he doesn’t want you there. Moving may just be what is required to bring your path to cross with that of your future mate.
So you see, it boils down to your relationship with God. Understanding what he expects from you, and walking in obedience to his leading.
This is very likely if you're a perfectionist. You want a mate who thinks like you, believes exactly the same things, has the same hobbies, has a certain type of complexion and height, has the same or higher level of education...
Your idea of compatibility may actually be so ideal that it is hard for you to find someone who looks like the mate in your mind.
As a Christian, you have to understand what are the essential qualities you should look for in a mate, and what is non-essential, that is, those things you can tolerate without being false to your beliefs as a child of God.
You don't have to have the same hobbies with the person you choose to marry. They don't have to be on the same level with you academically. Those are things that can change with time.
That's one reason why I encourage singles to read a lot about marital life. Many singles are desiring marriage, but doing nothing to prepare how to become spouses and parents.
But when you read books on marriage, you'll discover that there's a lot of tolerance to exercise when you finally say, "I do". No perfect mate exists.
One cause of divorce is marriage contracted with unrealistic expectations.
If you’ve read this far, you may have identified why you are
still single. Please, let me know what your reactions or questions are in the comments section below.