Each time I saw John, something lit up within me. That something couldn't stop drawing me to
him. I liked him to pieces. I saw us living together and doing exploits for God.
John just had to be the one. He was the man of my dreams: Christian, mature in the word, focused and humorous.
But you know, I wasn't sure whether this feeling was right, that is, if God showed me anything through this overwhelming attraction towards John. But it looked like it.
Yet I still didn't believe. It was too good to be true. John was a handsome man, liked by many other girls. Insecure as I was, I didn't think I was worthy of John, even though he was the man of my dreams.
Then one evening, while thinking about John, God expressly told me he was my husband to-be.
Happy is understatement. I was exhilarated. But still unconvinced. Remember I said, it was surreal. So, I asked the Lord to really, really confirm to me that John was indeed going to be my husband.
God gave me confirmations: dreams, coincidences, other people also thought we were meant to be, we looked good together.
For the next several months, I prayed for John to come around. As a woman, I don't believe you should walk up to a man and inform him that God told you he was going to be your husband.
I'm not saying it's sin, but it's not dignifying for a woman.
Sometimes later, John started noticing me.We'd been some sort of friends, not intimate, but more than mere acquaintances. But this time around, I could see the romantic glances.
His messages and calls multiplied and had a certain feel to it that was beyond the normal greetings and encouragement.
One day, John told me he loved me and wanted us to get married.
Well, the Lord had been telling me he was going to be my husband, so I said, yes. Not that very day, though. About a week later.
Then trouble started. Which I won't go into some of the details because I want to protect John's identity. I don't hate him, you know.
Two months into the relationship, we broke up in a nasty way. Was that devastating or what? I longed for death. God's will had failed. Or more logically, I'd done something to cause God's will to fail.
Note: I believe you can mar God's will in some area of your life. I really do. I don't believe God's sovereignty the way some do where they accuse God for their mistakes and sins.
There are consequences to sin. It's not God punishing you. You're just reaping what you sowed.
That relationship was one of the biggest catalyst for my growth and contributor to where I am today.
The main flaw it exposed in me was my insecurity and low self-esteem.
Before and during the relationship, I ignored red flags and some of John's flaws that I should have taken seriously. All this because I believed God had told me he was going to be my husband, and secondly, because I felt unworthy.
Therefore I began to tolerate abuse even before we were married. And I was willing to take it until John broke the relationship.
My low self-esteem was one of two major causes of my pain and depression afterwards. The other one was the belief that I'd failed God.
I decided to deal with the problem. I dived into God's love and grace like never before. And grow, I did.
Breakups should not always be viewed negatively. It is better to experience the pain of broken engagement than the hurt of divorce or an inconvenient marriage.
I think John did see the change, the confidence, the glow that I had, because he became nicer again and...
Unfortunately, at that time, God told me to quit my job and follow Him. John always wanted a wife who worked my kind of job.
John is not a bad man. There are certain professions I can't marry men who engage them. That doesn't mean I'm a bad person.
After learning of my decision to quit, John... and the next time I heard from, he was getting married.
My answer is a loud, YES!
I'll put a link at the end on what to do when God tells you he's the one. If I had to address that here, this post will be long, and I don't intend such.
The problem is, too many women (and men too!) don't really hear God. They hear their emotions and desires. I've had other men tell me, including John, 'God told me you're the one.'
They're men that every woman they approach, it's God telling them she's the one. He is not a God of confusion. He's not schizophrenic.
When many people hear their desires and presume them to be God's voice, because they have this overwhelming desire for the man (or woman), they ignore red flags.
I could share several other such testimonies from other people I know personally. And the pattern is almost the same. And the risks are one:
A good premarital counselor would have told John and I to separate. When I look back, I see unchangeable incompatibilities that I couldn't bear for life without feeling miserable all my life.
One of them was the decision to quit my job, one of the best things to happen to me. I wouldn't be where I am today if John and I got married.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I don't know, we didn't seek premarital counseling. We didn't see the need. Who'd seek counseling when God has already said you are meant to be!? What's the purpose of counseling?
Our overconfidence and pure convictions were more than enough assurance that our union was going to stand the storms of marital life.
The hardest part of coping with the break up with John was accepting that God never told me he was was going to be my husband. In truth, I didn't care so much about losing John the way I cared about disappointing God.
That refusal to accept the obvious is always a problem. I've talked with several people who had at one time believed God told them he or she was the one, and the marriage never materialized.
Accepting God did not speak hurts our ego.
Click on the link above and read the article. I believe God can INDEED show you who to marry. That was not just the purpose of this post.
To conclude, you may believe concerning a certain brother that God is telling you he's going to be your husband, but make room for the probability that you may be hearing your desires.
Please, endeavor to link this recommended post. Here's the link once again.
I'm happy you came by. I'll love to hear your opinions in the comments section below.
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