The Need for Intimacy with God for the Christian Single

Clasped hands on the Bible

I write on several topics concerning the Christian Single, but if I could squeeze my message into one sentence, it would read, 'Encouraging the Christian Single to pursue intimacy with God and a life of purpose'.

I believe this way of living saves the single from a lot of the pitfalls that strew the path of this class of persons. It influences your perspective in life, helps you live a life that pleases God and gives you the opportunity to prepare well for marriage.

Some of the how-to’s advices and tips usually given to singles will not be necessary if the unmarried Christian puts seeking God and developing a closer walk with him as the top priority of their life.

A closer walk with God results in you being led of him. That way you find that some of the opinions of men are actually contrary to what God would have of you as an individual.

Some of the advice given to singles on how to attract a mate can actually put you in a state of pressure and anxiety especially when marriage doesn’t seem to come as fast as you expected.

But there’s little to no stress when you are striving to live for God ‘cause you realize that it is His will for you, than when you try to change your attitude or manner of life in order to attract the attention of the opposite sex.

Simply live for God and the by-product is that a man or woman who is in love with the Lord will find you attractive. No pressure on your side to gain attention.

Yet it is quite common for singles to put much effort into being busy in church and Christian activities – in order to attract a mate – while the closet remains mostly not visited.

That is not how the Lord wants you to live. He loves you and wants to be your closest Friend, your Teacher and your Guide.

The major reason why you should therefore pursue intimacy with him or serve him as a single is because he wants it. Because he’s your God and Father.

He yearns for you to know him more. He desires to reveal His plan and purpose for you. He longs for your life to be an instrument in His hands. He wants to gratify your desire for a mate, but much more than that He desires for your heart to be sold out to Him.

He knows you can give him an undivided attention now. He knows you have the advantages of being dedicated to him in ways that the married person cannot. Therefore, he longs to see your life lived for Him.

What happens when you do not have an intimate relationship with the Lord?

When you are not in close walk with God, the tendency to fall prey to the challenges of singleness becomes high.

Even if you are busy in church and Christian programs, if intimacy with God is lacking, you may not be better off than the single who doesn’t know God.

You can easily compromise godly standards, you may quickly and easily get married for the wrong reasons and regret later, you may experience low self-esteem and feelings of inferiority as a result of comparing yourself to others who are already married, and you can have unrealistic expectations for marriage because you would seek in a human what only God can do in your life.

Whether you are a full-time single or single for the moment while waiting for marriage, you will achieve greater success in your life when you prioritize seeking God above everything else.

Some of the most amazing and impactful single lives or love stories (like the one linked at the end of this article) are those of Christians who pursued God with everything while single.

Late Lydia Prince, first wife of late Derek Prince, at the age of 36 and still single, left behind a successful career, a suitor, family and friends in Denmark, to follow God to Jerusalem with no money and no acquaintance.

An amazing testimony indeed of a life sold out to God. She met her godly husband in Jerusalem. What would have happened if she refused to live for God, if she insisted on staying in Denmark because of a desire to get married?

She would have ended up with someone who was not a Christian, who didn’t put priority on God the way she did, and she probably would have lived a unfulfilled life, as always happens when you go the direction opposite of God's purpose for you.

You can find more of the story in the autobiography, Appointment in Jerusalem.


Encouragement to the pursuit of God while still single

You don’t have to go through all the clutter that characterizes some single people’s experiences. You can walk with God and be led of him in a smoother and straighter path.

The same effort you put into looking good and attractive to the opposite sex, the same effort you put into personal development and achievement of other life goals should be applied to knowing God intimately, to living for Him.

God promises to reward those who diligently seek Him; to be found of those who seek Him with all their heart.

As a single person, you have the opportunity now. Do not postpone it to when you are already married.

If you can’t give God attention now, it is delusional to think that you will miraculously do so when you become a spouse and a parent.

Ask those who are already married and they would tell you it’s harder seeking God now than when they were still single and free of marital responsibilities.

A word of caution before we proceed to see how to practically pursue intimacy with God

It has been taught, (and I believe it) that the best way to seek your mate is to be devoted to the Lord.

That is the reason why some Singles have become dedicated to the church. That mindset is wrong. God sees your heart, and knows the reason behind your busyness in serving Him.

Pursue God because He's your God, not because you want Him to reward you with a mate. Seek God with the attitude and mindset that say, "even if marriage never comes, I'll still serve God wholeheartedly, because He's my God and deserves my worship."

Cases of Singles giving up on God and indulging in sexual immorality would not be if Christian Singles just seek to serve God with no ulterior motive.


How to develop intimacy with God

1. Make it a priority. Discipline yourself to consistency.

Every good and close relationship is built over time. That includes your relationship with God.

Intimacy with the heavenly Father is a conscious pursuit involving intentional decisions and actions to spend time with God in prayer and study of his Word.

Over time you get more acquainted with his voice as you endeavor to live in obedience to him, doing his bidding in every area of your life.

That kind of living is only possible when you recognize that it is God’s will for you and you choose to live that way, consistently disciplining your fleshly tendency to deprioritize the things of God.

Without consistency in self-discipline, spiritual complacency and laziness are inevitable. And that’s where so many Christians are found. Many desire to live for God, but few actually do so on a consistent basis.

This is because they fail to put the flesh under submission. They easily go by what the body dictates and wants to do, instead of what they know to be the right thing to do.

You can discipline your flesh and put spending quiet time with God and living for Him above social media, internet, television, socializing etc.

It all depends on where you want your heart to be focused. You are the one to lead your heart by insisting on what is right, not necessarily what your body feels to do.

2. Lower the position of man’s opinions. Uphold God’s view.

Another challenge you will have to face squarely in your pursuit of an intimate relationship with God as a single is the opinions of men, including even people in the church. This is highly needed especially if you are in a setting where there’s too much emphasis on ‘getting married and being normal’.

It is sad that some Christian assemblies still believe that the greatest need of the single person is to get married. Singles who seek God earnestly and refuse to bow to the pressure are made fun of, being seen as abnormal or fanatical young persons.

You must determine to choose between man’s opinion and God’s viewpoint. Are you going to conform to man’s standards or are you going to let God’s will and way prevail? Are you going to let popular opinion be the voice of God for you?

A man pleaser cannot be a servant of God (Galatians 1:10). A man pleaser cannot be an intimate friend of God. Do not let anyone take your attention off God.

3. Live with Purpose

This is a by-product of spending time with God which completes the cycle by causing you to consequently walk more closely with God. It is impossible for you to pursue and fulfill God’s plan for you without intimacy with him.

Several times I have sought to overcome complacency just because of the consciousness that God has a purpose for me to fulfill.

The realization that I can’t impact another life unless God works in and through me causes me to seek Him more, to want to know Him more, to want to be led of Him, to hear His voice better and clearer.

The opposite of a purpose-driven life is an aimless living. That negatively impacts your relationship with the Lord.

I don’t just see how possible it is to be intimate with God when your life has no focus and direction. The two are interwoven


Let God be your first mate

The first and greatest need you have as a single is not marriage to a fellow human. It is marriage (intimacy with) to God.

When he becomes your first spouse, many things fall into their place. When you do so, if God has marriage in mind for you, He will write the best love story you could never imagine writing for yourself.

If marriage is not for you, intimacy with God still is your first and greatest need. Like the Apostle Paul, you would find that a single life sold out to God can be just as satisfying – perhaps more satisfying – as marriage to the best husband or wife.

My prayer for you, as you’ve read till this line, is that you will make a commitment to pursue and develop an intimate relationship with the Lord; that you will make it your one goal in life, giving Him your all, not as a bargain for a spouse, but simply because He is your God.

Read also Why pursue your God-given pursue

I leave you with an amazing love story. Before you click on the link to leave this site, please see this disclaimer.

Another necessary disclaimer I believe is to state that not all love stories are the same. Follow the principles, not the exact experience. God leads different individuals differently.

This story, a tale of intimacy with God, illustrates how a Christian single can trustingly give up their will to the Lord and be assured that His plans and timing are just the best. Enjoy the read. The Match-Maker

God bless,

Jane